Sadness of the Soul
by Imomen
Summary: A rejected Rin runs away from her lord, only to find herself lost and hurt. Tragedy ensumes, and when Sesshomaru finds her, what will happen? Probably only around three chapters long. RinSesshomaru.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** Fine. I don't own Fluffy. Or Rin. Or anyone! X.X Okies, before anyone starts to read this... I need to warn you. **Character death. Angst- sadness, depression, whatever you want to call it.** (In my opinion, it's not that angsty, but I rather like this kinda stuff... just ignore me, the raving, insane authoress...) So be forewarned! (It does have a happy ending though. Hehe. Actually, there could be a really depressing ending, or a happy one. I'm not quite sure yet... XP) Yup. Also, thank-you to the people who reviewed '**The Birds and the Bees'**!! I feel special... I'd also like to thank... (x.x) **YokoYoukai** for kinda-sorta Beta reading this for me... This is the Rin/Sesshomaru ficcy I was talking about in my profile, if anyone cared to read it... So here it goes!! Oh! And this 'story' will only be about two or three chapters long... Just thought you should know!

**-Imomen-**

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she ran, long legs flying from underneath her. It didn't matter where she was going, as long as it was away... from him. Months after months or preparing herself, gathering up the courage to tell him, and he had rejected her. Not an apology, not a response at all, just an almost pitying look. A bitter smile found its way to her lips as she collapsed against a nearby tree, blinking away more tears. Then again, what had she really expected his response to be? It was how he had been raised- humans and youkai were not to mix, ever. It was shameful, and hanyous were abnormalities and a disgrace to both the mother and the father. She supposed watching his own father being murdered in front of your eyes while he was protecting a ningen woman and her half-demon son probably had something to do with his beliefs, but... That didn't give him a reason to not even think about what she had said.

Pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, she gave a small snort. Wasn't she worth anything at all to him? Didn't all the years they'd traveled together...affect him at all? "Sesshomaru-sama..." she whimpered. "I-" her breath caught in her throat as she choked the words out. "Love you..." It felt good to say it out in the open again, alone and by herself. Tears started to leak out of her eyes and she angrily pushed them away with the edge of her sleeve; drawing her legs to her wrist and wrapping her arms around her protectively, all the while surveying her surroundings. She had ended up in a forest, there was no doubt of that, but she didn't recognize anything in it. "Great." Her eyes started to prick for what seemed like the millionth time. "Now I'm lost, too." She shivered, noting how dark it was and that it was getting colder by the moment. Shifting uncomfortably and hugging herself closer, she winced as she bumped into something sharp and felt a tug as her red kimono ripped. "What the-?" she freed a hand and reached under her, yanking a long katana out of the ground. Any other time she probably would have moved in disgust, because if the sword had belonged to someone, she was probably sitting on their bones right now; but she was simply to exhausted to move. Pulling the sword into her lap, she touched the tip of it gently, gasping lightly when it drew blood. Memories flashed through her head of the times Jaken had told her stories of people committing suicide- whether they were ashamed of themselves, been rejected by a lover, had dishonored someone... There were tons of reasons.

Her body froze as her mind replayed what she had just thought. People...killed themselves...for being turned down by their lovers? Her hands started to shake as she held the sword distraughtedly. Exactly like had what happened to her. A muffled whimper escaped her mouth, her eyes on the blade and body still trembling slightly. If she killed herself, would Sesshomaru even notice? Would _anyone_ notice? "Probably not..." without meaning to, she smiled sadly; repositioning the sword so it was facing her and nestled between her knees to get a better look. It would be painless, she knew, if she stabbed the right part of her, or so Jaken said. Not that the toad youkai was ever very trustworthy, but what else did she have to go on? She cautiously reached a hand to touch the handle, the rough leather binding feeling somehow comforting. Tilting her head up, she studied the stars as she gripped the sword with both hands. If this was going to be the last sight she saw, that was okay with her. At least it was pretty... A shooting star shot across the sky, and she smiled wistfully. Maybe if she wished hard enough, Sesshomaru would come and stop her, tell her he loved her... In her dreams and nothing more. It was better to do this than to live with the hurt of rejection for the rest of her life. Closing her eyes, she calmly lifted the sword up, feeling for some reason not nervous at all. She would meet her lord again, in another world, another time, another place. "Thank you, Kami, for allowing me this time with him..." she murmured. One last breath and she pushed the sword deep inside the flesh of her chest; her vision getting dizzy as she heard a sickening crunch and felt blood, slow at first, begin to slide down her body. "Arigatou, Sesshomaru-sama..." her breathing was labored as her body leaned over, falling to the ground with the sword sticking even deeper inside of her.

"Aishiteru..."

**-Japanese Words-**

**Hanyou- **half demon

**Youkai- **demon

**Katana- **sword

**Aishiteru-** I love you

**Arigatou-** thank-you

**Kami-** God

**Sama-** used after names, meaning 'lord'

**Kimono-** a Japanese garment, sort of like a robe

**Ningen-** human

Alrighty then... Umm... I really don't know what to say, except...well, actually, I don't have anything to say...Please R&R! ::receives evil glares:: Or...eh... You don't really have to... Actually, I take that back. You do have to! No hurting the authoress, please... O.O Next chapter will be out soon! ...Unless, of course, I get more flames than actual reviews... X.x I warned you about character death! I did!!

**-Imomen-**

**PS-** Remember. You can throw things at me, but if I die, who will update? Please read and review! Thanks!

**PPS-** I've decided to just do the spacing regular like this until I can find a better way... x.x

**PPPS- (x.x)-** At the end of this story, there is a chance of some lemoness, but not much, if any. Just a pre-warning!


	2. Here and Back Again

**Disclaimer**: Well... You know what's gonna happen, right? I'm gonna say I don't cough not yet cough own anyone of these characters... But I'm saving up for them! They're on my birthday list! smiles maniacally

Okay... Once again, I am **really really **_sorry _about the long wait, but as I said in my profile, was not working at all for me for some reason. We just got our internet fixed, but I don't think it was that, because this was the only site that was not working. It's working now, though! (Obviously...cough) So... Sorry for the really long waiting... But it wasn't my fault! T-T

Oh! And thank you to **Evanescence160 **(Yay for Evanescence!) , **Mad-4-Manga** (Who is my now favorite reviewer for reviewing every story I have! Thankies!) , and (x.x) **YokoYoukai**, who... Beta Read for me again and... Is just plain **_freaky_**. (I changed it to freaky!) Hehe. Thank you guys! Now, onward with the story!

**-Imomen-**

"M' lord! M' lord!" Jaken scrambled over to the inu youkai, breath coming out in pants and short legs flying out from underneath him as he fell clumsily to the ground. Bowing, he pushed his face to the dirt and gulped nervously as he felt two cold amber eyes on him. "You have found her." It was not a question and Jaken nodded hurriedly, standing back up and rubbing his now dirty nose. "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama. Your _humble _servant has found the girl, although she-" A boot to the face by no other than Sesshomaru stopped his rambling and he let out a muffled whine, clasping his hands over his face and scurrying ahead. "Show me." The youkai lord demanded, his voice edged with annoyance. "Yes, my lord." Jaken nodded.

Less than a minute passed before he regained his courage and began to talk once more.. "It is most unfortunate, Sesshomaru-sama. The girl has apparently killed herself." he shook his head in disbelief before letting out a snort and adding, "Not that she was ever very useful, anyway. Baka ningen couldn't even do anything right, no matter how simple the task was." He continued to talk, unaware of the even more terse than normal silence from behind him as he led the way. "There she is, my lord." Jaken pointed a stubbly finger ahead of them, smiling almost proudly at his find.

"You may leave us now." Sesshomaru gave Jaken a cool glare before his eyes focused on the tree in front of them and the rather mangled body laying limply in front of it. "But m' lord-" the toad youkai began to protest. Sesshomaru raised a hand up, long fingers accented by claws that were beginning to turn the faintest of green colors. "Now." "Y-yes, Sesshomaru-sama." Jaken stuttered, obeying the order immediately and nearly running away.

A spark of anger found it's way into Sesshomaru's chest as he seemingly glided over to where what once had been Rin now lay. Certain that Jaken was out of earshot, he let an uncharacteristic growl form in his throat as his mouth pulled back into a snarl. She had not been dead for over a half of an hour, for which he was certain, and yet her flesh had already been snacked on in various places, leaving nothing but nearly raw bone. The growl accented as his anger grew. How dare she! He had been protecting her for years now, and this was how she repaid him? Killing herself? Her life belonged to him! After all the times he had saved her worthless hide, the** least** she owed him was her servitude until the day she died. True, he had been a little shocked when she had suddenly blurted out that she loved him, and didn't stop himself from staring. Hadn't he been telling her since day one that ningens and youkai were never to mix? Not in words, surely, but in his actions. To be so would be wrong...

The thought had crossed his mind occasionally that he might mate with her, but he had always pushed it to the back of his mind, refusing to even think about it purposely. It would be much better if she stayed with him as his toy, his concubine... He knew she might, if he could persuade her, though he had convinced himself that he would never beg or ask of anyone for anything, she could be different. He knew she like him- the way her scent would shift when he was around was truth enough. Frowning at the body in front of him, he mentally berated himself. No amount of thinking would make a difference now, even if he did wish he had done some things differently. If the wench felt the need to take her own life for her reasons, it was of no concern to him. Turning around stiffly, he started to walk back to Jaken. He would order some of his servants to come pick up Rin's corpse as soon as he got back to his domain. It was to late to save her now, even if he had wanted to.

Silver hair flew around him as he pulled to a stop as both of his swords started to pulse at his side. His eyes flicked from one to the other and then narrowed as the swords gave off a faint blue light, as if trying to speak to him. Blue... It was the color the Tenseiga glowed when it was reviving someone. Tojikin had never glowed any color before. Most unusual. As one, the two swords jerked toward the tree where Rin lay and he allowed them to lead him until he was directly in front of her. Tojikin began to give off its own distinct aura as Sesshomaru drew it, studying it intently. "Ah." Sesshomaru's voice was quiet. "You would have this Sesshomaru kill himself just to go save the mortal." He put Tojikin back, ignoring its request. "And then Tenseiga would save the both of us." The blades pulsed even more heavily than before as he turned, preparing to walk away before stopping again. "But why... There are other ningens who could serve me better..." He drew Tojikin again, watching as it shone brightly. Convincing himself that it was for the swords benefit only, he placed the tip at his stomach, stabbing through with one clean stab. Refusing to let his youkai blood heal the wound as it normally would, he could feel his knees weaken until he was forced to kneel on ground. Dropping the Tojikin with a clatter, he used his now free hand to put it over his wound, pulling it up and watching with somewhat interest as the blood dripped down him. He had never bled this much before... It was... rather... unique...

His eyes had never closed, he realized as his soul drifted out of his body. He could see them- a dull amber now, as his body was not functioning. He was still kneeling, as well, supporting himself on the Tenseiga, which he had drawn at the last minute. He looked around, noting how different everything looked. He wasn't even really sure how he could be seeing things, when he had no body what-so-ever... Only a white orb remained of him, and it wasn't very settling that he could now see through things as well. The world was drifting, no more than a shadow to him at his point of view. He needed to find Rin, or chances his Tenseiga would not permit him to come back. She would probably be close to something she was familiar with... And the closest thing around would have to be Ah and Uhn or Jaken. Since the toad was nearest, it was probably a safe estimate to say that she would be there.

He felt his body start to drift over to where he guessed that Jaken would be at the thought, sensing at once that something else was nearby. A small, blueish ball was hanging in the air besides him, and as he looked, changed into the form of the very girl he was looking for. His own body started to shift until it was transformed into his original shape as Rin looked away from him, refusing to meet his eyes. "Lord Sesshomaru..." she whispered. "I did not expect that you would..." a whimper escaped her mouth. "You killed yourself." her voice was aghast, a ghost of what it had been when she was alive. "As did you." came the reply. She didn't answer, and he felt his heart clench unintentionally. "You are to come back." He did not need to ask. She belonged to him, she would do as he said... Another silence ensued before an answer that shocked him for as long as he lived happened: "No." Sesshomaru's head shot up, shock apparent on his face that even his normal mask could not hide. She had disobeyed him. _Rin_, of all people, had ignored his demand. "No." Rin repeated again. "I- I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama... But now, there is no point to life." She smiled sadly, her eyes lifting up to his face and then back down to the ground. For the second time in one day, the youkai lord felt an deep anger start to well inside of him. Did the girl really think her life was so pointless? She served him, that should at least give her some reason to live. "You are coming back with me." his voice was no less than a snarl as he grabbed her wrist, intent on bringing her back. "Why?" she asked hollowly. "I have... nothing to live for." "Because if you don't, Tenseiga won't bring me back." It wasn't what he wanted to say... He, Sesshomaru, was scared of the feelings hidden under the anger that surfaced whenever she was around. His mind worked, desperate to find a way to make her return. "Jaken called you stupid..." he murmured under his breath. Apparently she had picked it up, as she gave him a disbelieving look. "Why that !" Sesshomaru clamped a hand over her mouth, dragging her up against his chest and forcing their way over to where their two bodies lay. He focused on the Tenseiga, willing it to realize that he was there...

A moment passed, and with a small sag, it hit him that Tenseiga wasn't responding... Something was wrong. He released the indignant Rin, who promptly sat down besides him, looking more than a little smug that sent off a signal in his brain- one that he only used against the worst of enemies. "I do not understand why it is not working." Rin sat down besides him as he continued to talk to himself, forcing his temper back before it got the better of him. "I'm sorry it didn't work for you, Lord Sesshomaru, though I am glad that your katana did not get the chance to bring me back." Something reared its head at her words, a dark, possessive side; and without warning he yanked her body on top of his own, face wearing a warning. "Do not wish for such things, ningen. You should be thankful that I even tried to save you." She started to protest and he drew her chin down with one hand; mouth closing over hers as he forced her body even further against him with his free hand. Her eyes sprang wide open when he tilted her head back, controlling the kiss and deepening it further. Sesshomaru could feel her trembling slightly above him, the movement somehow soothing his nerves and bringing him back to sanity as he abruptly let her go. His eyes, which had closed without his knowledge, opened slowly as the world around him started to shake. He could feel his soul being drawn to the body below them, sucking him closer to the ground of the living.

A shaky minute later, Sesshomaru reached a clawed hand up to his chest; finding himself relieved that the bleeding had stopped. Turning his head, he saw Rin reach her own hand up, touching slightly were the wound had been on her own body. The skin that had been eaten away had returned. In fact, she looked perfectly normal- as if nothing had happened at all, which was not usually the case when the Tenseiga brought beings back to life. "B-but-why...did it?" Rin's voice shook unnaturally as she gave her fingers a cautious flex, as if afraid they would fall off. "I didn't want to come back." she whispered. "I've already made a fool of myself once in this lifetime... I do not want to do it again..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she felt Sesshomaru's unrelenting stare on her face. "It was not your choice. It was mine. You belong to me." He stood up, brushing the dirt off of his clothing and putting the sword back into its sheath. Knowing better than to argue, the girl hung her head instead, wrapping her arms around herself. "What does that mean? I'm yours... Like Kagome is Inu Yashas? Or like Jaken devotes his time to you?" She shivered, remembering how he had kissed her when they were... dead. "It is of no business of yours." he snapped. She frowned, head shooting up. "But you kissed me... And it _is_ business of mine. It's my life, in case you hadn't noticed." Her hand immediately slapped over her mouth. She had never, **ever**, spoken like that to him before. She was starting to sound like Kagome when she talked to Inu Yasha, which unfortunately, Sesshomaru-sama had always thought unbearable. Before she had time to blink, the inu youkai had her snatched in the air by the back of her kimono, pressing her small body against the back of the tree harshly. "I may have just saved you life, wench." His face looked lethal as he spoke and she bit her lip, cursing her mouth and how it always seemed to get her in trouble. "But do not make the mistake of thinking that you are worth anything more to me than a slave. I said you were mine because you owe me- life dept, and nothing more." He dropped her, stepping over her and back towards were he knew Jaken would be.

Watching as he walked away, Rin blinked back tears. She had deserved that. What was wrong with her? He had already made it perfectly clear that she was his slave on more than one occasion...but she had thought that just maybe... He treated her differently. And that kiss... It had been deliberate, try as he would to deny it now. She had liked it. He had shown more feeling in the past hour than she had ever seen him do for the past years she had been with him. That was a good sign, right? With a sigh, she stood up, following the tracks of her lord. She needed to talk to Kagome as soon as she got back. Until then... She smiled wistfully. She would wait. Even if there was no chance of Sesshomaru-sama returning her love... It would be nice to be with him, to be by his side. She would keep him company, even in the worst of times. Sooner or later that kiss would come back to haunt him and he _would_ do something about it, she was sure of it. Even if he didn't... She would stay by his side, always. She was in love.

And she wouldn't change it for the world.

**-Japanese Words-**

**Inu**- dog

**Youkai**- demon

**Ningen**- human

**Katana**- sword

**Sama**- used after names, meaning 'Lord'

**Kimono**- a Japanese garment, sort of like a robe

**Baka**- idiot, stupid

Yup! Well, there it is, in all it's wondrous beauty, if that's what you want to call it. I'm not sure if I want to add another chapter or not... Yes, no, maybe so? You tell me! I kind of like it the way it is, but... I also have another idea for the next chapter, so... I'm not sure yet! I said I might add in a lemon, but frankly, I'm not sure I want to... Hum. I think from now on I'm just going to double space my stories... Who really needs paragraphs, anyways? (AGH! Here I am, editing for the last time on and for some reason it didn't come out double spaced. THIS ISREALLY ANNOYING! Humph. Anyways...) Thankies for reading and R&R please!

**-Imomen-**


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